Failure is part of the human condition. Everybody fails at something. People who achieve a great deal fail at many things. You can choose to regard failures as negative experiences - defeats, losses, setbacks. Or you can choose to regard failures as positive experiences - opportunities for you to learn what not to do, what needs to be changed, and what needs to be fixed. Failure can accelerate our success ... if and only if you take the time to extract clear lessons from your failures, and then apply those lessons to your next endeavor.
Recognizing failure as a potential positive experience gives you a new freedom - the freedom to try new things, be more creative, and stretch outside your comfort zone. If you don't achieve the results you seek, ask yourself, "What did I learn from this?" Of course, accepting this concept intellectually is one thing. Dealing with failure emotionally is another matter entirely. Before you can learn from your failures, you must learn to fail. And, in order to do that, you must understand failure and put it in its proper perspective.
THE REAL-YOU VS. THE ROLE-YOU
When you fail to accomplish something, YOU are not a failure. You - a person with intrinsic worth - did not fail. Instead, it was your attempt - your action plan, strategy, or technique -that failed. There is a difference between the REAL-you and the ROLE-you. The REAL-you is defined by your self-identity ... your sense of self-worth. The ROLE-you is defined by your performance in a role. You may not be a particularly skilled golfer, but that doesn't devalue your self-worth - the REAL-you. It only means that there is room for improvement in your golfing skills.
You must learn not to take role-failures personally. An unsuccessful attempt in any endeavor is just that - an unsuccessful attempt. It has nothing to do with your personal worth. Your personal worth is still intact! If there is a lesson to be learned from the failed attempt, identify it and apply it to subsequent attempts. End of story!
You will know when you have learned to fail in a way that supports winning - as opposed to failing in a way that you take personally - because you will start thinking about "failure" differently. When you begin to look forward to the lessons from "failures," because you know those lessons will lead you to future "wins," you will be on the right track.
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