Too often, people feel that the key to their success is speaking well: being persuasive, impressive and articulate. I maintain that the key to success lies in listening, not talking.However, in most cases, the key to success lies in listening, not talking.
Most human beings are not very good at listening. When conversing with another person, is your mind completely focused on what the other person is saying? Or do you find yourself half-way listening while planning what you are going to say next? How do you improve your listening skills? It starts with a commitment to be there in the moment for the person you are speaking with.
What that means is that you are so committed to hearing them and understanding them that you put aside your desire to express yourself and be understood. That can come later. This kind of listening requires a good deal of humility, because you must first believe that what the other person is saying is more important than what you have to say. We all know when someone is really listening to us versus when someone is pretending to listen. The difference has to do with intent.
If you are genuinely interested in what someone else is telling you and are committed to their well-being, they will sense that you are really listening to them. All people have a desire to be heard and understood.
I would like to highlight one technique that David Sandler called "The Dummy Curve." The essence of The Dummy Curve is to ask very simple, seemingly ignorant, questions in order to fully understand the other person. This means that if a prospect says something that you do not understand, you must ask her what she means. It can be summed up by the phrase Embrace Your Ignorance. Don't try to pretend that you know more than you really do in order to impress the person Instead, simply ask a Dummy Curve question.
Here are some of my favorites:
- What does that mean?
- Can you explain that to me?
- How does that work?
- Why?
By asking these simple questions, we communicate that we do not understand the person as much as we would like to, and invite them to elaborate on the issues that are important to them. Sure, you run the risk of appearing like something other than an expert regarding the specific topic being discussed. But I believe it is better to perhaps appear a bit ignorant than to pretend you understand what is being said and later have to admit that you actually don't. It makes you look foolish, and it destroys whatever bonding and rapport had been established up to that point.
We all need to learn to embrace our ignorance if we really wish to understand others.
|
 Free eBook: Secret Collection of Success Strategies
Success is the Result of Persistent Effort Skillfully Applied to Appropriate Strategies. But strategies and techniques play a secondary role to one's attitudes, beliefs, fears, perceptions and most importantly, self-image. |
Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
You might also be interested in:
