Ego starts to form at the moment you have your first painful experience in life. You begin protecting yourself with a wall which you build one brick at a time, outwards, and upwards. And as you receive additional slights or disappointments you keep building the wall to protect yourself.
Shutting people out, being afraid to ask questions or ask for help for fear of looking stupid, weak, or inadequate is ego's way of hampering our full potential. And in client development, how often is our ego our own undoing?
We are focused on our wants and needs so we project that to clients and they feel like we don’t have their best interests at heart. We polish our approach in the hope of scoring points, proving we are more credible, wise or knowledgeable than they are. This approach often forms a wedge between us and the client we hope to connect with.
I recently heard a story that's a prime example of ego clouding someone's perspective. A lawyer I know visited an accounting firm to review a shared client’s estate. The lawyer spent the whole meeting reviewing "genius" moves he had inserted into the will, pointing out accounting tendencies he disliked, and hammering on how correcting some foolish errors would make estate planning much simpler.
At the end of the meeting, the accountant thanked the lawyer for his time and saw him to the door. The lawyer was left with the impression that he had wowed the accountant. He was certain his presentation was spot on and the value he illustrated almost assured future business from the accounting firm through referrals. I also happen to know the accountant in question. The real truth is that the accountant was desperate for the lawyer to leave and they will NEVER do business with him.
Ego is the thing that stops us from asking questions for fear of appearing ignorant, unprepared or naïve. Yet when I ask naïve questions I often get thanked by the others in the room who I’d assumed understood what was going on, but didn’t, and my question and the answer that followed it helped them get clarity too. Ego prevents you from allowing yourself to dare, to push to the limits of your talents and prevents you from turning your talents into strengths.
Ego NEVER serves you well because it's an alienating drive that seeks a feeling of superiority.
Sacrifice your ego. It leads to clarity and cohesion between you and your clients. It leads to partnerships where you co-develop solutions and move forward by mutual agreement.
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