Sales Leaders Rule #5: Eliminate miscommunication.

Every person has three recorders that were taping since they were born. We have a Parent, an Adult and a Child. One of these three recorders is dominant in everything we do and activates at different times. Which recorder is dominant affects how you interact with your team as a group and relate to individual members of your sales force.

Many parents find themselves saying, "I would never raise my kids as my parents raised me". This sentiment isn't because they did a bad job, but because they had rules that seemed oppressive. We review feelings like, "I didn't want those rules lorded over me. I didn't want to be home at a certain time or my chore list seemed excessive". So the response becomes, "When I have kids, I will never do that to them."

However, many parents find themselves falling into the same patterns they resented as kids, doing the exact same things that their parents did to them. Why? Because we are largely products of our parents. Inadvertently, we listened and stored that information. Phrases that our parents used years and years ago fly out as if we heard them yesterday because we return to our mental data bank and reproduce what we heard.

Here are the three recording states.

The Parent:

There are two types of Parent tapes going on, which stopped recording at age five. You have Critical Parent and Nurturing Parent.
Our critical parent state surfaces when we are impatient or judging others. It sounds like, "You shouldn't do this and you won't do that." or "I've told you a hundred times not to do that." Critical parent has no place in your management style.

Our nurturing parent state is where you're soothing. That's where you're giving people compliments, looking for the good, and making a safe environment for them to share. Seventy percent of your management style should come from Nurturing Parent.

The Child:

The Child is curiosity, the joker, and determining how you felt as a kid when the rules were imposed on you. There are two types of Child, Rebellious Child, and Adaptive Child. Both are bad in management.

Rebellious Child resists rules. This state often manifests when we are met with a demand. The child recording kicks in and says "I'm not doing that", but as adults we rationalize it.

The Adaptive Child state changes the way that they think like the wind. Not because of a true belief but because they want acceptance. Sales leaders are sometimes asked to do things that are not in their or the company's best interest. Managers need to resist their adaptive child state and do what is productive for the sales team, even if that decision is unpopular.

Neither child recording should be part of your management style and should be addressed if encountered in the sales team.

Adult:

The adult recordings have a couple of purposes. The first is to update old scripts. As an example, my parents told me not to talk to strangers, but when I'm recruiting for a position I need to openly address the candidates that we interview. They told me not to talk about money, but I've got to talk about money because I'm in sales. The adult state allows us to remove unproductive mental garbage. It's the logical and analytical part of you.

Thirty percent of your management style should be in the Adult state.

The bottom line is, you have to understand which tape is talking when you talk to your salespeople. But also watch your salespeople to see what state they are in when they interact with you and what state they are in when interacting with clients or prospects. This gives you insight into your people and the best ways of approaching their needs. If there is a disconnect in their conduct or meeting expectations take a minute to analyze the situation. "Who just talked to me, was that the Parent, was that the Adult or was that the Child? And how am I going to respond?" Once you can do that, your communication will improve dramatically.